Bradezone

Reception. Observation. Perception. Emotion.

The Most Boring Thing Ever Written

I am writing something. Yes, I plan to make it the most boring thing ever written. I go to the store. A car is parked. Many cars are parked or moving. One car is being pressure washed with equipment from ToolsMaestro.com for free in a demonstration. Some are blue. Some are tan. They have windows. In the store, there are items for sale. These include such things as soap, detergent, magazines, and lettuce. You can enhance your life with these products. Soap can be used for bathing, be it in a bathtub or in a shower. Apply the soap to your body and rinse. Detergent is used to wash clothes. Place your dirty clothes into a washing machine and add some detergent as directed on the box. Select the appropriate settings on your washing machine and you should be ready to begin. Magazines are stapled reading material made with glossy paper, and they cover a wide variety of topics, ranging from news and politics to business and stock market information. Some magazines are concerned with more recreational topics, like sports card collecting or different kinds of hairstyles. Lettuce is a vegetable. It is usually green and leafy, and is the main ingredient of salads. You may have an appliance at home that can quickly shred lettuce for use in salads. Lettuce is also used as an optional item for hamburgers and deli sandwiches. Some people even eat lettuce by itself. I have not done this. So you can purchase many types of things at stores.

If I drive around, I sometimes notice the houses and buildings all around. There are also pieces of farm land that are very large. Houses can be built from different kinds of materials. The most common types are brick, wood, and vinyl or synthetic siding. Houses have lawns that need to be tended. Lawns need to be mowed regularly. Most people use riding lawnmowers to do this. You can also use a push mower. These come in two varieties: gas-powered and manual. You don’t see manual push-mowers very much anymore, but they are a good option if you do not want to pollute the air with smoke from a gas-powered lawnmower. I notice that many families designate the lawnmowing responsibility to a teenager in the household. Many of these teenagers are provided with an allowance for mowing the yard, as well as performing other chores, like taking out the trash, washing the dishes, making their bed, and keeping the house organized. Allowances are small amounts of money given by parents to their children, usually on a weekly basis. These usually range from 5 dollars to 15 dollars, sometimes even 20 dollars. Many parents feel that teenagers can learn financial responsibility with this system.

Now I will talk about farm land. Farm land can be identified by some common features. They almost always consist of a very large patch of dirt with small green plants lined up in very long rows. You may sometimes see farm equipment riding over these rows, like tractors or combines. These machines help farmers grow more crops in less time. They are a very helpful invention. Some different types of crops are soybeans, cotton, corn, tomatoes, tobacco, and lettuce (which I mentioned earlier). Most crops are used as food, and can be defined as either fruits or vegetables. Some are commonly eaten raw, after being rinsed in water to remove any dirt. Some are often cooked, which helps give them a more pleasant taste and makes them easier to chew. A very versatile vegetable is the potato. It can be eaten raw, or it can be cooked in a variety of ways. They can be baked, and many people like to add butter to them. They can be mashed, and a lot of times brown gravy or milk gravy is poured on top of them. They can be cut into thin strips and fried. Typically a large amount of grease is required to prepare potatoes in this style, but they are easy to make and easy to eat. You can order them at several fast-food restaurants. Potatoes can also be boiled, stewed, and scalloped. There is a wide variety of options available to you when cooking potatoes.

Some other types of crops grown on farm land are used for other purposes. Cotton is used to make clothing (which I also mentioned earlier). It is a very versatile and inexpensive material for clothes. Such items as shirts, pants, socks, and underwear can be made from cotton. The process of converting cotton from a cotton plant to clothing is fairly complicated. Today, cotton is harvested more efficiently through the use of the cotton gin, invented by Eli Whitney many years ago.

Tobacco is another type of crop. It is used in making cigarettes. A lot of people smoke cigarettes, even though many medical sources have identified them as harmful to people’s health. Warnings are printed on cigarette packages reminding people of possible dangers resulting from smoking. Cigarettes are available in several brands, including Marlboro, Salem, and Virginia Slims. There is a brand called Kool, but I don’t know whether they are still available at most outlets. Tobacco farming is a large industry, and currently there is debate about it. Recently the government decided on some regulations that cost tobacco companies a large amount of money.

If you notice, some farm lands have animals living on them. Most of these are cows, and there are also pigs, sheep, and goats living on farms. Some are raised for the milk they provide. This milk goes through several processes to ensure that it is not contaminated before it is made available to consumers at stores (which I mentioned earlier). Another use for farm animals is meat. Three popular types of meat are beef, pork, and chicken. Beef comes from cows. Pork comes from pigs. Chicken comes from chickens, but you probably knew that. These animals are raised to become plump and healthy, then they are killed, sometimes at slaughter houses. The meat is then removed from their bodies, cleaned, and made available at a variety of stores and restaurants. Sometimes this process can seem gross, but it is part of an advanced ecological food chain on earth. Just like birds eat worms and tigers eat deer, human beings eat cows and pigs. The main difference is that we don’t eat animals raw. We cook the meat to remove blood, fat, and germs from it. We also season our meat with salt or different kinds of sauces. The end result is food that is very tasty and is healthy for us.

Farmers do not like trespassers. If a farmer sees one, he will sometimes shoot at them with a shotgun that he owns. Trespassing is against the law. Laws are created by government to prevent people from living in fear. They are meant to provide safety for citizens. Our government in America consists of a legislative branch, an executive branch, and a judicial branch. The legislative branch makes laws based on the concerns of citizens they represent. The executive branch consists of the President. This person enforces the law, and he has certain other duties like declaring war and approving bills prepared by members of the legislative branch. The President is also considered the leader of our country. The judicial branch interprets the laws. This branch consists of the courts and the trials held in them. Here a judge and jury determine from evidence presented by lawyers whether someone is guilty of breaking a law. Initial law enforcement takes place among police officers. They are the first people to encounter situations where a law is being broken. If a criminal (law-breaker) becomes too violent or hostile, they will use guns or mace or nightsticks to administer immediate punishment. Their goal is to bring the criminal under control, so that he can receive a punishment determined by members of the judicial branch of government. Punishments mostly include time in jail, but they can also include fines and, in extreme cases, the death penalty. There is controversy surrounding the death penalty.

Children play with toys. This is common to almost all kids. Toys come in a very wide variety. Boys tend to like cars, action figures, and toy weapons. Girls tend to like dolls, toy kitchens, and make-up. Both of them like building or assembling things, be it with Legos, blocks, Play-Doh, or something similar. Toys can be found at most stores, and these days entire stores are dedicated to selling only toys. The most popular of these is Toys ‘R’ Us (with a backwards “R”). Their mascot is Geoffrey the Giraffe. Children love to go to Toys ‘R’ Us and look at the wide variety of toys available. Most children receive the greatest quanitity of toys on their birthdays, or during the holiday season in December. For the majority of children, this holiday is Christmas. For Jewish children, the holiday is Channakuh. Either way, the kid gets presents during this time, and most of these presents are toys.

Christmas is a holiday which has gradually become centered around the character “Santa Claus” and his elves and reindeer. Children are told that Santa’s elves build their toys, and Santa delivers them personally to each house in the world by riding in an airborne sleigh hauled by nine reindeer, including Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, who leads the way. Another popular Christmas character is Frosty the Snowman. Frosty is basically any snowman that comes to life. So during Christmas, many children build snowmen, and some of them hope that theirs might come to life. But all of these characters are myths. The true origin of Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Jesus, who founded the religion of Christianity a couple of thousand years ago. Many popular Christmas carols deal with his story, such as “Joy to the World” and “Silent Night.”

Other holidays include Thanksgiving, Halloween, and Independence Day. Thanksgiving has become a tradition of preparing large quantities of food for a large gathering of people, mainly family and friends. This meal usually features turkey or ham as the main course. Turkey and ham are both kinds of meat (which I mentioned earlier). The meal usually also consists of dressing and a wide assortment of vegetables (which I also mentioned earlier). The origin of Thanksgiving is usually traced to the days of the pilgrims, who were the first settlers in America. They made peace with the native people, the Indians, and together enjoyed a large feast, thanking God for providing them with such an abundance. (Their concepts of God were probably very different.)

Halloween is the holiday when people dress in costumes to look like other characters. Most of these are children, who go from door to door in different neighborhoods to request candy from the people living there. They usually say “trick or treat” then receive a treat. Very rarely does the person in the house respond with a trick. Halloween has some sort of demonic origin that I am not quite sure about, but the name derives from “All Hallow’s Eve.” I will not say much about Independence Day, but it is the day Americans celebrate the anniversary of our independence from Britain. Most families purchase fireworks during this holiday and set them off in their lawns (which I mentioned earlier).

America gained independence from Britain in the late 1700’s after the Revolutionary War. Britain was hoping to extend its empire across the Atlantic Ocean, but the colonists who settled the territory did not want to be under Britain’s control, with their various taxes and regulations. Both sides were very passionate about their position on the issue, so a war occurred. This war featured a few heroes, including George Washington and Paul Revere. George Washington became America’s first president when we gained independence. I am not sure what happened to Paul Revere. The Declaration of Independence was written before the war by Thomas Jefferson in 1776 and made clear the position of the colonists. It was signed by many important people, including Ben Franklin and John Hancock. Ben Franklin is well-known for many things. One of these is inventing electrical conductors in the form of lightning rods. A famous tale is that he flew a kite with a small piece of metal somewhere on the string during a lightning storm. This was an effective way to test his theory. Another thing Ben Franklin is known for is publishing Poor Richards Almanac. This was like a magazine and contained some of his famous writings and quotations. One famous quote was “Tell me, I forget. Teach me, I remember. Involve me, I learn.” Maybe this had something to do with why he flew that kite.

Trees are one of our most important natural resources. They are made of wood, and wood can be made into a variety of products. Some of the more obvious kinds are furniture, houses, and toothpicks. However, wood can also be made into paper. When I first heard this, I was skeptical, but it is true. Paper is a very important product in our society. Writers and artists have greatly benefited from the invention of paper. With only some paper and a pen or pencil, a writer can produce stories and poems that can captivate readers. They can also write down historical facts about their society. Actually, these writings don’t become historical until years later. At the time, the writings could probably be considered news. Artists use paper for their drawings and paintings. They can also use canvas. Drawings and paintings can be very beautiful. They can depict a wide variety of subjects, including flowers, animals, landscapes, and people. They can be realistic or impressionistic. Some paintings also attempt to convey emotions merely by the way the colors are combined and the brushstrokes are applied. This is a modern or contemporary approach to art. Many people think this approach does not require as much talent as the realistic styles.

I will end my writing here. I have tried to make it very boring, and I hope I have succeeded. There are plenty of boring documents available for you to read. Check your public library for more information. You can also find boring materials at a bookstore or on websites. Sometimes this information can be found in magazines (which I mentioned earlier).

Update

A wonderful soul has provided an audio narration of the first paragraph:

Posted on in Bread

156 Comments

  1. I regret to inform you that I was actually interested in your article and not bored! I never knew that those things that cops carry around are called nightsticks! And that quote by Benjamin Franklin was equally interesting. I’m sorry but if you were trying to be boring you’ll have to do better than that.

    I myself am attempting to write the most boring story ever. Writing a boring piece of literature is not as easy as one would think. Some are naturals at it while others need practice. I think you made a good shot at it. An important factor to remember is not just to make it boring, but to make it long and boring. You employed some good boring repetition and used facts that were mostly commonplace. That’s a good start. I think what would make it even boringly better is to make it more vague. Either that or make it extremely detailed…and not to mention excessively long. Another tip is to not write anything that is relevant to the reader’s life. In your article you mentioned Christmas. As I read that part of the article, I was reminded of the good Christmases I have had. Therefore, boredom was thwarted. These are just some tips I hope you gain some insight from. Good luck!

    Joe
  2. Thanks, Joe. Hopefully you conquer the realm of boring fiction the way I am attempting to conquer nonfiction.

  3. I came across this many years ago, and struggled to find it again. I’m really glad that i did, and WOW IS IT BORING. I was not at all tired, and now I can’t stop myself yawning. Thank you for creating this.

    -Ace

  4. Brade? Can i use this on my website and credit it to you?

  5. Ace, if you feel it will make the world a more boring place, go right ahead.

  6. Good sir, I shall thank you to leave if you insist upon using such salty speech.

  7. I love you Brade. You rock.

    Fuk u fuk brade
  8. I was reading this to try and fall asleep, but I kept laughing and laughing :(. I know you tried to make it boring, I guess knowing that made it funnier to me.

    Adam
  9. How about my story….

    The duck waddled along the shore of the lake. The duck sees a piece of bread left by a human. The duck eats the piece of bread left by the human, then continues along the shore of the lake. The duck sees another piece of bread left by a human. The duck eats that piece of bread as well. The duck then continues along the edge of the lake. The duck sees another duck waddling along the edge of the lake. The duck sees the other duck find a piece of bread left by a human. The duck watches as the other duck eats the piece of bread left by the human. The two ducks continue along the edge of the lake. The two ducks see several other ducks come upon bread left by humans. As the two ducks watch, the other ducks eat the bread left by the humans. The two ducks then see another piece of bread left by a human. The two ducks eat the piece of bread left by the humans. All of the ducks continue along the edge of the lake. The ducks find no more bread, so they turn around and continue back along the edge of the lake. The ducks find no more bread that day, but all in all, it was a good day.

    Mark H.
  10. Mark, that is amazing. It took me two sittings to make it through your excerpt.

  11. MAN RAD MAN. NOT BAD. I loved it because I was high. I felt like I was traveling to the local store.

    Joe Who
  12. Nice job! Hilarious in it’s spectacular nature, completely devoid of interest, essential funny because it is boring on purpose. Surely hope you meant it to be that way, because if you meant it to be a crime thriller you really missed the bus.

    patrick ewing
  13. I found this article to be very boring. I do think it would make a great primer on earth life, and, more specifically, on life in the United States, for aliens. I enjoy the use of commas, which, as you may be aware, are a punctuation mark which, as you may also be aware, is used to indicate a pause in a text or, as the case may be, sentence. May I suggest a boring article on the various functions of punctuation marks?

    Turtle
  14. I’m better than Ace and i am here specifically to troll even tho it’s not what i’m good at.
    P.S i’m better than Ace

    -Better Than Ace

    BetterThanAce
  15. I am going to write the most boring thing ever..

    BoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoringBoring…

    PersonPersona
  16. I am hungry. It’s 2 am. I can’t sleep, But I’m Asian so it appears as though I am normally. Well. Salt.

    Chonku
  17. I messed up my name. It’s chonky.

    Chonky
  18. That was pretty shit

    Olivia Giblin
  19. Not all crops are fruits or vegetables. Corn is a grain

    ImAnAnon
  20. “I asher Am I Woman Of My Word.I am a Huge Buttface and When I asked My Mom did she like me she siad only as a Friend.I am A Big Time Loser Who Like To Look at Feet.Please Don’t Point Or Stare at My Uglyness or Ill Make You Smell My dirty,Filthy Butt.I wish That King Insane II Would Kiss My in the Mouth.Please King Insane”

    Ash
  21. that is so boring that when i read it to my boss after the first 4 sentences we were dropping dead from lack of brain circulation. im suprised my brain isnt bleeding so badly that i cant read this so very well done on this peice of horrible dustyness. boring….

  22. lool this is boring

  23. Well i was reading this to fall asleep but it didn’t work … I have a problem 0_0

    Lilly
  24. I actually found this quite interesting… I too, was trying to read “boring” stuff to fall asleep (it’s 11:15pm) and I can’t find anything :(

    Fred
  25. use more repetition to make it more boring.

  26. This was mostly boring. What kept it from being purely boring was that I keep reading to see where you go next. Try reading the first several chapters of the first book of Chronicles in the Bible – that’s some boring shit!

    Panlo
  27. I actually found it quite interesting, but that was probably cause I was already bored-to-death before I reading it.

  28. ^^ Sorry, *before I READ

  29. This is so boring good job but it sucks my granny doesn’t even talk dat boring

  30. I love this website.

    Anney
  31. Surprisingly, I found this quite interesting. I might just being a boring person!

    JC
  32. Your “being boring” goal was so deftly achieved that I thought it was absolutely hysterical!

  33. What’s up, just wanted to tell you, I liked this blog post. It was helpful. Keep on posting!

  34. I read half of it and woke up same position still holding my phone sideways about an hour later last night. Didn’t even drop my phone! Lol

    Alisha
  35. I gotta tell u…. i still cant sleep… need a more boring article… can u recommend any?

    a;lnsgt;obeuw
  36. I laughed hysterically at this! I read if to my boyfriend, who is now asleep on me!

    Kayla
  37. Uh huh.

  38. i feel like if i read this whole thing i could get brain dammage.no half of it could give me brain dammage

    Peter Peter
  39. u probrably died in the process of writing this but i still see you commenting so i have no idea how you survived writing this whole thing

    Peter Peter
  40. I quite enjoyed this, although, boring as it is, it did not help me get to sleep. I had a few chuckles though, which I am glad for.

    Nancy
  41. i googled boring things to read cuz i couldn’t fall asleep last night (i was very angry and i cant sleep when im mad) i made it about half way through and fell asleep with my phone by my head. thank you for your help!

    nancy
  42. So boring. Splendid job. I must say, I was geniunely entertained by the complete lack of anything interesting in this story.

    Christian
  43. All is strange and vague. Are we dead? Or is this Ohio?

    mounty
  44. I read the entire thing and still can’t sleep. I need help, it maybe this isn’t boring enough.

    Insomniac Person
  45. Sweet shit dude

    Malbolge
  46. Haha that is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo boring/kinda interesting. I have seen more boring things and more kinda interesting things in the last 79 Years of my life!! Ya I’m 79 and I’m a granny, but I’m an up-beat granny!! Oosh that sucker!!!!!

  47. bro this is the funniest txt ive ever read, thanks for making my day bro!

    Dimi
  48. Because of this article I now have super-aids

    Fred Savage
  49. Thank you, this helped me to sleep

    Twaisty Candy
  50. Sorry but I was very intrestead in the article so now it’s 3 Am and I still can’t sleep

  51. It’s been a more than a year since I last came on this page, time flies!! I can see my comment from Jan. 28th 2013 hahaha

  52. Neither the Executive Branch or its head, the President of the United States, have the ability to declare war. This power comes from Congress, which is of the Legislative Branch.

    lre
  53. Great point. I promise to correct this in the 2nd Edition.

  54. I didnt believe at first that it could be that boring. i ended up skipping the whole thing after reading a few lines

    Naufal
  55. sucks you should be ashamed of yourself. Thanks for wasting my time that, by the way I will never get back.

    jaylin
  56. Best story on Earth!

  57. Same with the story about the ducks!

  58. Your writing is very interesting… In a boring way… I was looking for something to put me asleep and your writing almost did… Thanks for your boring essay… :D

    Brittany
  59. Woooow Brad apparently you deleted my past comments or something because they are not there anymore, I thought we had something special you and me after all this time I’ve spent reading your essay… *snif*

    Anyways yes I’m joking sorry and I’m coming back here to wonder why there are a bunch of comments all of a sudden LOL

    Fred
  60. I meant Brade!! Sorry!

    Fred
  61. I’m blind. I just found my past comment. Forget I ever said anything hehe…

    Fred
  62. It’s all good, Fred. I only delete comments that make me feel self-conscious about my writing.

  63. It helped me sleep

    hajrah
  64. awsome text

  65. WTF LOL

  66. I have to thank you for this treasure. Reason being after I heard screams of help from my neighbor at 3am and a 911 call my nerves were shot. All in all, everyone is/will be okay now, and sleep may very well be in my future. Thank you.

    Megan
  67. BEST COMMENT EVER ^

  68. I was looking for a boring paragraph to read myself to sleep… I found this to be quite interesting…

    MattWebDescended
  69. Goddamn that is really very boring. You have succeeded in making an insomniac person (me) fall asleep. Congrats.

    Mishel
  70. I honestly think you tried your best at making a boring story, but it didn’t work. I think you can improve this by making it less random which causes people to laugh and flow into your nest topic. However i understand that making a boring story is hard and i congratulate you on trying your best.

    Sincerely,
    A Person You Don’t Know

    :3

  71. Dang i messed up on those other ones

    It was meant to say “and you should flow into your next topic.”

  72. Step 1. Copy entire passage
    Step 2. Google “Speed Reader”
    Step 3. Set reading speed
    Step 4. Enjoy!

    ( I read the whole thing in about 5 minutes, at speed 850)

    -Obama

    Barack Obama
  73. Boring u idiot

    Tracey
  74. Sorry, it’s too interesting and it really helps with my homework!! I yawned at last but I really liked it. You ROCK!!!!!

    Jessi
  75. turnips are a long standing therapeutic remedy for sleeping carrot syndrome.

    andrew francis
  76. Well um that was very………boring lol

  77. this is actually kinda interesting haha

    MomokA
  78. Lolololololololololololololololol u r soooooooooo funny I couldn’t stop laughing lolololololololololololololololol lolololololololololololololololol lolololololololololololololololol
    P.S. Lol

  79. Wow. No kidding! It is the most boring thing I have read!

    Marissa Ruth Rasnick
  80. very interesting, you are going to have to work harder. i suggest not going into as much detail. make it about the most bland, boring, day to day things you can think of (ex:i wake up.) try writing more in first person view.

    person
  81. wtf

    Brendan
  82. BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Corey
  83. I was just trying to bore myself to death for no reason…

    Corey W.
  84. bakwas pathetic waste of time i request you to sell diapers

  85. Great story I would most definetly buy this if u wrote a book

    me
  86. This was quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever read in my entire existence.

    Calvin Spencer
  87. More borin stories please :)

    Sam
  88. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    but not bad grammar!

    Thalia Annabeth Carson
  89. I did not find ur essey boring..but if you..or anyone is looking for something boring enough to be sleepy…read all the comments here…you’ll be surely drowned.

    bored
  90. I pictured Morgan Freeman narrating this as I read along and I can assure you, it was far from boring.

    Brian
  91. I actually enjoyed this which says something about my character

    Tia
  92. Haha this is hilarious! I love it. I came here in search of some dummy content for my projects and this is perfect!

  93. I READ THE WHOLE THING!

  94. Lol this is so boring

    sihle :)
  95. Well it didn’t work that well for me

  96. Omg dying here laughing at the comments, Fred’s killed me almost, and the comma love guy, he was too much! And Brian, lol, just imagen its Morgan freeman narratoring this as a monologue, lol I’m glad I went to pee before I read this section and oh Brade dear, it was a very boring bit of writing, I could only get to the lettuce is a veg bit before I cheated and scrolled to the last paragraph, but I did like how you pulled the article all together by recalling what a magazine was haha but darn it all its 4:11am and I’m still awake

    Dawniepoos
  97. My eyes are caked up with the crusty remains of tears after having read most of this. My face was tremoring and exploding with bellowous laughter as I struggled from sentence to sentence. The more I read the less I could hold back the laughter. I thank you for the best laugh I’ve had in ages. I love the obvious statements you offer. Gold.

  98. ^ What a terrific way to usher in the 100th comment! Thanks Phil, and thanks Dawniepoos–although I wish you’d read past lettuce. Maybe during your next insomnia attack!

  99. Lol I’m back for my second helping of the most boring article on the interwebz, it’s like a really rich chocolate cheesecake, ha ha i don’t wanna over do it and eat the whole thing at once! So tonight I got as far as the “farmer don’t like trespassers and they might shoot ya” bit and I’m just dying here, where the hell do you live anyways?
    Tears are rolling here, I’m some glad farmers around here don’t do that or we’d have alotta dead people in the fields beside their 4 wheelers and omg I can just imagen a vegan really this article, they’d be so appalled at the “meat is tastey and good for you” bit, not that I disagree cuz what’s better than bacon?

    Dawniepoos
  100. I did not bother to finish it, as a matter of fact i did not even scratch it. So with that being said I do think you did a wonderful job of making it boreding.

  101. Just wanted to say, I didn’t think this article was boring at all. In fact, I thought it was a bit of a masterpiece. I think you have a great ability to pick out the relevant information about the world around you, without deviating or offering unnecessary opinions, or getting bogged down in unnecessary description. However, I’d also like to point out that potatoes cannot be eaten raw. Consumption of raw potatoes can, in some instances, lead to serious food poisoning
    and even death.

    Oliver
  102. I cannot believe this is still on the world wide web.. I feel connected to you all.

    -Panlo

    Panlo
  103. I read this to my fiance to try and bore him to sleep but we both ended up dying laughing through most of it. It’s not boring to me, it is mostly hysterical because of the random subject changes.
    “There is controversy surrounding the death penalty.
    Children play with toys.”
    This subject change in particular had me laughing so hard I almost couldn’t breathe. This is golden. I absolutely love it.

    Heather G. and Nate W.
  104. every time my little brother wont go away, I start reading this in a monotone voice. works every time!

    dragonlover219
  105. I like it. It wasn’t that boring at all. I was imagining everything that was written. Thank you though.

  106. THANKYOU!!!! My little sister was watching me watch YouTube. Of course, I hate it when people watch me do stuff.
    So, I developed a plan. I would look up something boring to get rid of her. AND IT WORKED!!! Hey, I love my family and all, but sometimes, I just need my space.

  107. Sounds like a smart plan. This essay was certainly not meant to be enjoyed via over-the-shoulder reading.

  108. This really helped stop my little brother from breathing on my neck.

    Ethan Galbraith
  109. Soooo boring! Thank you

    Bob
  110. SORRY U DIDNT SUCCEED
    CALL ME FOR THE GREATEST BORING STUFF

    0243244803.0208088040

    I DONT KNOW
  111. this is rlly boring. great job. :/

    yeessss
  112. I spammed this to my friend skype and it bugged the hell out of him thnx brade

    Random guy from internet 2015
  113. LOL even though its supposed to be boring its funny and not boring really lol

  114. I had paperwork to finish and my 7 year old kid wouldn’t quit bugging me to play with him. I typed read something boring to my kid to get rid of him and your site came up first. I read the first three paragraphs and he said “this is boring” and left the room. So, your most boring writing served a useful purpose.

    rob
  115. Not boring at all. It was interesting to read it and to see simple american view on simple things. However, I see lack of knowledge about simple things like food because nowdays food is not prepared healthy, it’s not healthy at all now. People add many chemicals who cause feeling of good “taste”.

    anonum
  116. Ironically this is the most un-boring shit I’ve read.

    korean guy
  117. Thanks for the boredom. I read this on Christms Eve, as I was not able to sleep. This made me tired and bored, therefore I slept. And for that, I thank you.

    jimmytheanthromorpicdinosaur
  118. jesus christ this helps me alot to fall alseep
    awesome text

    Glenn
  119. Thank you for posting this very long article, which I cut and pasted into a Word document to show someone how to make columns and page breaks. You may have thought this was boring, but reading it in a library made me want to laugh out loud and break the sacred silence.

    Kris Schultz
  120. This was beautful ;-;
    Used it to troll mah friends XD

    Mr. Taco
  121. I’m sorry but that wasn’t the most boring thing ever I found sort of interesting and informative I liked it though there is also lots of infering to do like the thin prices of potatoes are frys you see the connection .If you want to make a boring story then do like the cat goes meow the cow gose moo etc.do you see my point

    PS not trying to be rude.tell me if I am

    Kitty
  122. Lol. That is all I have to say. LOL.

  123. LOL.

  124. Thank you for this boring essay. When my brothers or sisters send me a boring text about something I don’t care about, I just copy paste your essay and send it back to them. The ultimate payback.

    Me
  125. It wasn’t boring

  126. Wow this is actually not boring lmao when im bored i read these they are funny Great Job on making these :)

  127. Beautiful >.<

    Bob
  128. Oh man it’s 3:30 am and I’m still awake after reading this oh what to do :(

    Someone with insomnia
  129. I thought this was going to have a cliff hanger at the end but i read it all anyways good job at being boring and i wonder how you felt while writing this

    Malicifent
  130. That was actually quite interesting in places, but, yes, very long winded and boring in others. You have succeeded. ⭐⭐⭐⭐ 1/2 stars for boringness. My favourite part that almost made me lol was chicken comes from chickens, but you probably knew that already. Haha.

    Lea Anonymous
  131. That was actually quite interesting in places, but, yes, quite long-winded and boring in others. You have succeeded. ⭐⭐⭐⭐ 1/2 stars for boringness. My favourite part that almost made me lol was: “Chicken comes from chickens, but you probably knew that already.” Haha.

    Lea Anonymous
  132. Wtf did someone hack me I do not know where that tiger profile pic came from and I only posted my comment once. Hmmm. Btw I loved the random subject changes I was so funny. I just read all comments. Loved the duck story and the comma obsessed guy who used it like a million times lol

    Lea Anonymous
  133. Very interesting indeed.

    Abel Higgi
  134. Very interesting
    😂

    Naheed
  135. Very interesting
    😂

    Naheed
  136. Mr. Banality says: Why is the “G” in google blue? Let’s just think about that for a moment. We try here with this very simple question to get to the essense of banality. What it truly means to experience a banality darkly.

    Steve Hale
  137. Mr. Banality asks: Why Yoga? When you can Yawn?

    Steve Hale
  138. It was kinda funny what I read out of it. But it was funny cuz it was stupid lol.

    Jill
  139. Lmao so boring i had to use it to spam a chat

    Ya Ok
  140. This is actually fun to read lolol wth

    XD
  141. Dis is actually fun lolol wth

    XD
  142. *slow clap*

    Charles Buxingham
  143. *like button*

    Emma
  144. If your desire was truly to write the most boring thing, then you have failed here. This is actually quite an interesting piece. Don’t underestimate the power of stating the obvious. It’s not obvious to all.

    This is a fascinating cultural phenomenon:
    “They usually say “trick or treat” then receive a treat. Very rarely does the person in the house respond with a trick.”

    This is particularly insightful..
    “They can also write down historical facts about their society. Actually, these writings don’t become historical until years later. At the time, the writings could probably be considered news.”

    You seem not to care about this piece, but I’m using it as an example of understated writing with my graduate students.

    Thank you.

    Page
  145. This changed my life

    Elizabeth
  146. Page, that’s pretty rad. Hopefully the students don’t nod off!

  147. hello

    i sucessed to something yes you will ask to me to what? firstly i wanna tell you i am so sadding sad beacuse since 3year i have wanna something and every summer ever winter and i am sure you re worring result exactly 0 zero beacuse i have no money i passed to abroad and one university but i wont go to there beacusd no scholarship nooo i understood just something health and money are the important in the word life damn it really … i am despirete too much i prayed to god for help …

    busra
  148. That was not boring. I had to read a Michelle Obama biography once. THAT is boring.

    anonymous
  149. i found this really fun to read and i hope you can email me another one. many thanks.

    tom
  150. I laughed too much!

    jamar
  151. This actually helped me fall asleep last night thank you lol

    Ashleigh ❤️
  152. you won!!!!!!!!!

    lily

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